As I contemplated starting a blog and pondered over adding one more thing to my list of things to do, I wondered what it would be that I could possibly even blog about. Racing through my head were question...Should my blog show the serious side of me or the sarcastic side or the humorous side (the one I have been told I have, that I don't see) or instead should it just be completely random and unorganized? As I pondered last night, I quickly talked myself out of it and rolled over, opened the Catcher in the Rye, and continued reading. But then I found myself looking around my room wondering and trying to figure out who I really am. As I gazed around, I saw a not-yet-unpacked mess of boxes (symbolic of my chaotic life), wine racks with my favourite empty bottles - those that I buy for the labels and often cannot stand the taste of (symbolic of my travels and memories), an old clock inherited from my grandparents (symbolic of my fondest childhood memories spent on my Grandparent's farm), a 1930's Kodak given to me by my Father (symbolic of my love of photography), and my Casio PX-100 covered by a layer of dust (symbolic of my love of music, that of which is not evident since it hasn't been played in months).
As my eyes continued to wander around the space enveloping me, I reflected on my choice in colour theme and tried to wrap my head around the meaning behind my choices. One thing I know is that I definitely do not feel at home with institutional white walls surrounding me. Boring, is not who I am or strive to be. Therefore before moving, I carefully selected colours from many Behr swatches. But even before that, I spent hours online looking at other wall colours, using design templates to carefully customize my favourites, and scrolling through design photos and websites. I found that I was drawn towards having a bold contrasting wall. Eventually I settled on light gray walls with a dark gray, nearly black, accent wall. And then I asked myself....why would a woman who loves popping colors select gray? I attempted to deviate from the idea, but the colours kept pulling at me like a magnet. So in the end, I went with it. And now I ask myself, what did this choice symbolize? Is it my love of B&W photography? Was it the sadness associated with my Father's diagnosis of ALS that was the reason for this move? I doubt I will ever really know the answer. But at the completely opposite end of the spectrum, is the antique white Pottery Barn furniture brightly standing out among the gray and nearly-black walls. I assume this selection of contrast symbolizes my black and white personality, it's either this way or it's that way. Or was it my innate desire to deviate away from the very monochromatic colour scheme created by my paint choices? Or maybe it was as simple as the fact that I just liked the furniture.
Initially this was intended to be the end of the design scheme. The walls would eventually be filled with B&W prints of my own photography. But suddenly, reality set in and I figured out this was just not going to work. There needed to be more. Some colour, some vibrancy, some life. I remember finding a picture of a room in which black and white dominated the theme, but one chair stood proudly in the corner and this chair was upholstered in a gorgeous shade of raspberry pink. Numerous times I came back to this picture and each time, I told myself not to do it. Not to bring the infamous color I am known for into my house. I had sworn too many times that I would not "go there". However time went by and I continued to come back to the picture and I soon realized that when I looked at that picture, I felt comfortable, secure, and energetic all at the same time. So little by little pink became incorporated into the design and the room was given some pizazz. Now I look around my bedroom and think about how perfectly it symbolizes my moods, my personality, my memories, and my passions and at the same time, it gives me solace.
Things cannot always be black and white. There are times when the world is gray. There are times when you just have to find that special place that takes all your fears away. For me, that place is pink.
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